RESULTS: Monday Night Raw Mar 17, 1997

REBIRTH VS. DARKSIDE
Vertigo
w/the Dream, Phoenix & ?????
vs.
the Lady Tyr
w/Seeress

The Match:
Vertigo is first introduced. She comes through spinning her black umbrella over her head, playing with the sash around it's handle. Following her... is the evil Dream... the golden clad Phoenix... and then... Owen Hart, the British Bulldog and Clarence Mason! Owen has his hair slicked back, and he is wearing an Owen Hart t-shirt,and jeans,and he has his Slammy with him. The Bulldog is wearing a British Bulldog t-shirt, and jeans,and Clarence Mason is wearing a business suit,and is carrying a briefcase!

Seeress then leads the way for Lady Tyr, who comes out very leery... eyeing up the Rebirth's entourage before her. Tyr reaches ringside when suddenly...

BONG! BONG! The lights go out and the Undertaker arrives! He comes down the aisle and joins Tyr and Seeress, bringing the lights up to full. The Taker keeps a close eye on Phoenix.

The referee, Mitzy Johnson, clears the ring of everyone but Tyr and Vertigo. Tyr opens the bout with a solid body-slam that crashes Vertigo down on her knees. Vertigo looks up at Tyr with an evil grin... AND FOREARMS HER UP INTO THE JAW!

Tyr drops down to her knees... and Vertigo rises up to full height, smashing her with a double axehandle! Tyr is knocked down to the canvas.

Then... the P/A system crackles alive... and a voice comes over....

VADER: DEAD MAN!!! VADER can't wait to get his hands on you!!!

VADER: AARRRGGGGG!!!!

The Undertaker looks around briefly, taking his eyes off of Phoenix. Owen and the Bulldog begin to move around behind the unsuspecting Undertaker. Rubican then brings out the "Tone of Slavery". Seeress stops her by hitting her in the head with the Cider flask. The Undertaker turns to help and there is a big dogpile on him as Owen and the Bulldog start pounding him down.

Tyr struggles to get away from Vertigo in the ring... and Vertigo lets her. Tyr comes to save the Undertaker, grabbing her broadsword from the table as she goes. Owen and the Bulldog continue to pound down on the Undertaker. Tyr charges....then....

Ten of Valetia's druids arrive on the scene and begin to seperate everyone. Phoenix assess the situation... and acts....!

Phoenix grabs Seeress from the mess and drags her up into the ring with Vertigo.

Phoenix: (to the Darkside) I underestimated you...next time I shall come better prepared...WITH A HOSTAGE!

The rest of the Rebirth enter the ring, holding down a fighting Seeress. Tyr and The Undertaker are too disorientated to know what exactly is happening...red smoke fills the ring covering the Rebirth...when the smoke clears...they're GONE!

Pillman: WHAT!? They KIDNAPPED Seeress!!

Heart Attack: You actually sound concerned!

Pillman: I don't know about this Rebirth! They spook me! What kind of decision is THAT going to be? Who won? (to referee) Johnson! GET down here! Here she comes! (whispers) She's drunk, too! Look at her!

Heart Attack: You think EVERYBODY'S DRUNK!

Pillman: Everybody IS!

Mitzy: I am NOT drunk!

Pillman: What kind of decision are you going to render here?

Mitzy: I am going to render a NO-CONTEST!

Pillman: That's GREAT! Good! I'm glad you didn't disqualify Vertigo! But still... that Rebirth spooks me! Owen and the Bulldog are in the REBIRTH? All we need now is for that armored woman to come out and give you the devil sign again!

Publican: That would be GREAT!

Heart Attack: There you go! Just agreeing with him again! Do you EVER have a single, solitary thought on your OWN!

Publican: I have a LOT! And I have the money to back them up!

Heart Attack: So you BUY all your...

Pillman: Alright! Alright! That's enough from the PEANUT gallery! Johnson... hit the road... you gave your decision! It's time now for the WrestleMania report! Man! I can't believe what we just saw! Where did that RED smoke come from!? I'm glad I didn't join!

Heart Attack: It's only going to keep getting weirder!

Pillman: If they keep giving me gifts though! They gave me those pearls! Do you think they came from Atlantra AND the Rebirth?

Heart Attack: I'd watch my back if I were you!

Pillman: Let's get to the WrestleMania Report now... with Jim Ross.