RESULTS: Monday Night Raw Mar. 24, 1997

BIG DADDY COOL, DIESEL

The screen goes black for a second, and then fades in with a spectacular view of Los Angeles from the San Gabriel mountains. The view pans left, taking in the whole valley below it, and continues until it shows the side of the moutain, then the forest nearby, and finally stops to show a good-sized house, with a semi parked in front.

Diesel walks into view, and motions for the viewer to come closer. As it approaches, he stands there waiting.

Diesel: People have been asking recently "Where the heck does Sensei train you, and what does it look like?". Well, Sensei's decided that he wants to show off his little "cabin", and since he's behind the camera (a hand appears from the side and waves towards the viewers), I'm gonna give the grand tour.

Diesel turns and walks to the door, and holds it open so the camera can go inside. The interior of the house looks fairly normal, especially considering it's home to someone as eccentric as the Sensei, but there's no sign of Oriental treasures or exotic weapons.

Diesel: I know, you're saying to yourself "This looks too normal for someone as eccentric as the Sensei? Where's the Oriental treasures? Where's the exotic weapons?" (a tennis ball flies from behind the viewer towards Diesel, who ducks it) Well, believe me, Sensei's biggest quirk is that he's NOT your sterotypical martial arts master/wizened mystical teacher.. he tries to keep all that stuff to a minimum. Most of this house is fairly typical. This is the main living room.

The camera pans around for a few moments, showing pretty simple and functional furniture. A rather large entertainment center takes up a large part of one wall and the view moves closer so you can catch the names of more than a few classic rock titles. There's a few comfortable-looking chairs around the room and a large sofa that makes you sleepy just looking at it. In one corner is a fireplace, with a painting of dogs playing cards over the mantle. The view quickly zooms in on the picture, and a hand appears from the side and pulls the painting down.

Sensei (off camera): I told you you not to put this up there!! You said you wanted this serious, for once!!

The view turns to show Diesel laughing, and walking towards one of the doorways, and the camera follows him through a hallway with much more tasteful pictures on the walls, to a door that Diesel opens and walks through. Upon entering, you see that it's a fairly large room, made into an office, and several computers with huge monitors sit on the three desks. At one sits the mysterious Oriental looking lady who has appeared recently with Sensei and Diesel, wearing a green robe.

Diesel: Here's the computer room.. this is where Sensei spends his free time when he's not torturing me and Jade. (another tennis ball flies, barely missing BDC again) Speaking of Jade, here she is now.

Jade: Hey, guys.. I'm just checking for any new mail.. what are you two up to now? (she turns and sees the camera, and a look of shock appears on her exquisite face) HEY!! I told you not to bring that camera around without telling me first!! Get that thing out of here!!

The view turns and moves quickly in the other direction, and you can hear Diesel.

Diesel (off camera): Whoa!! Stop that!! Look, we didn't know you'd be in here, you were in the training room last I saw you!! Ow!! Ok, we're going!!

The camera moves through another doorway in the hall, and takes in a view of one of the bedrooms. Along one wall is a large sliding glass door that gives another spectacular view of the valley. The bed is a simple futon, with lots of pillows all over, and on the walls are several Oriental weapons. There's also a television in the corner, with a VCR and several dozen anime tapes next to it.

Diesel: Well, I see you've found Sensei's room.. good job Teach, you should be a Boy Scout. (this time the tennis ball hits Diesel square in the forehead) C'mon, this room is boring.. let's go check out the rest of the place.

The camera follows Diesel back down the hall, through the living room, and through another room that appears to be a kitchen, with a large steel pot of something on the stove.. the pot has biohazard symbols on the side.

Sensei (off camera): Diesel, did you really have to do that to my stew?

Diesel: Hey, it wasn't me this time.. blame Jade!

The view continues out another door, through another hallway with doors to either side, and then out a door to the outside. There's a building here, with large windows, but it's not possible to see inside from this angle. Diesel walks around the corner of the building, and the camera follows him and just catches him walking through big steel doors. It follows.

The inside of the building looks similar to the Hart Family Dungeon but on a much smaller scale. There's a ring taking half of the space, and the pther half is filled with exercise equipment, weights, and some items recognizable from martial arts movies.

Diesel: Here's the training room.. it's not a dojo like you're probably used to seeing in movies, but it's close enough. This is where Sensei does his fiendish best to torture me and Jade several hours a day.

Sensei (still off camera): you;'ve got the title, right?? Stop complaining!!

Diesel: Aw, I'm just yankin' your chain, Teach!

Sensei (OC): ARGGGH! At least I can put this thing down now, and get you back!

The camera jiggles slightly, as if being set up on a tripod, and once it steadies you see the Diesel start running to the far side if the ring, Sensei in hot pursuit. The screen fades to black, then fades back in showing Diesel wearing workout gear.

Diesel: Well, since this is what most people wanted to see, we'll give you a quick look at the actual workouts we go through.

C&C Music Factory's "Sweat" starts playing, and the video turns into a series of clips showing Diesel working out.. lifting huge amounts of weight, at one point setting a weight machine for the maximum of 750 pounds, which he does 10 reps.. then it blinks to show Jade and Sensei working out with staffs, the bamboo poles a blur as they attack, parry, and counter.. it cuts to show BDC doing wind sprints with Sensei hanging on his back wearing a Yoda(tm) mask.. then flashes to him sparring withSensei in the ring, Sensei doing technical move after technical move, and Diesel countering and powering out as fast as he can. Then a green-clad shape moves in front of the camera and you hear Jade's voice:

Jade: Mind if I cut in, Diesel?

He steps out of the ring and the music picks back up as Sensei and Jade go at it now, in a much different manner. Jade and Sensei are bouncing off the ropes, doing aerial move after aerial move, then standing in the middle of the ring and outright sparring, throwing karate punches and kicks and blocking madly. Finally Sensei gets a legsweep on Jade, and takes her down, and rolls her up on the mat, with his face next to hers. The music cuts out as the camera view pulls close, and they are staring at each other.

Sensei: Give up?

Jade: Of course not.. I've got you right where I want you.

Sensei gets a look of confusion on his face and Jade makes her move, reversing the pin and rolling up Sensei, while Diesel jumps in and does a quick 3 count! Jade gets up and laughs at Sensei, laying there with a look of consternation on his mask.

Sensei: Alright, alright, you made your point.. that's enough for the afternoon.

Jade and Diesel cheer and Diesel walks to the camera as Jade helps Sensei to his feet. As they are walking away in the background, Sensei pinches Jade in the rear, and she jumps up with a yelp and turns to pinch him back, and they run off screen laughing.

Diesel: Well, there you have it.. that's a quick look at what goes on around here.. there's more to show you, but maybe for another time. Till then, just keep your eyes on the ring.

Sensei flies by behind Diesel with Jade in hot pursuit as the screen fades to black.