RESULTS: Monday Night Raw Apr. 7, 1997

BADD BOY DERRICK STARDOM

(Dok Hendriks is in the interview area, holding a microphone in one hand... and a FLASHLIGHT in the other!)

Dok: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... the Badd Boy Derrick Stardom!

(Stardom walks into the camera's view. He's wearing a black tuxedo jacket, a sequinned bow-tie, white gloves, full-length black tights and white boots. His shades are up on his head and he has a serious look in his eyes.)

Dok: Hello, Mr. Stardom.

Stardom: (nods) Dok.

Dok: Badd Boy, the challenge has been accepted! You'll be facing TWO of the many men that interfered in your tournament match.... two of the many men that caused you to be eliminated from the I/C tournament and gave you a loss to JoBo.

Stardom: The Badd Boy Derrick Stardom will be facing POWER AND GLORY!! Hand-capped STYLE! But Dok, I don't think it's FAIR for them to have to wrestle handi-capped like that! I've got half a mind to tie one hand behind my BACK!!!

Dok: Huh? Uhhhh... Mr. Stardom, YOU'VE got the handi-cap!

Stardom: Not any MORE, Dok! Sabrina and I parted ways back at the Countdown!

Dok: No, NO! I mean that tonight.... for THIS match... YOU'VE GOT THE HANDI-CAP!!!

Stardom: OH! I see what you mean! And I AGREE! Because after I win... FIVE MINUTES is HARDLY enough time for me to PROPERLY kick the Emperor's CARCASS!!!

Dok: That's NOT what I... oh forget it!

(Stardom chuckles arrogantly.)

Dok: Alright... it's two on ONE! If you win... you get five minutes alone in the ring with the Emperor. But Badd Boy, why did they agree to this. What's in it for THEM?

Stardom: They agreed... because BBDS got UNDER their skin! I popped the Emperor in the NOSE at the Big Show and he jumped feet first into a match that guarantees MORE nose-punching to HIM!

Dok: What type of strategy are you bringing to this match? You've NEVER wrestled ANYTHING like this before, right?

Stardom: WRONG! Round ONE of the I/C tournament! I took on not ONLY JoBo... but Pillman, Hercules, the Publican, Paul Roma AND Eddie Gilbert! I'm QUITE familiar with being out-numbered and out-gunned. So why should tonight be any different? Hercules is big and strong... but he's about as sharp as a beach-ball. And Roma is agile and quick, but he's got no timing! He's got all the rhythym of a rock in a hub-cap. BBDS wraps it ALL up into a REAL DEAL, SEVEN COURSE MEAL!!! I've got the looks, the brains, the speed and the power to do the DEED... and look OH-so FLY, in the doin'-so!

Dok: You sound pretty confident...

Stardom: Wouldn't YOU, if you looked like THIS?

Dok: Wellllll, I won't go there! But what happens if they ADD to the numbers! I mean... we saw Superstars. You and Pillman and Austin rumbled all over the arena! Do you think they'll interject into this match?

Stardom: Oh I HOPE so! Y'see, I've brought along a little something for Pillman...

(Stardom reaches off camera... and brings in a walker!!!)

Stardom: Crutches won't be doin' the job for him, too much longer! I'm ready, Dok! This is MY time to SHINE! The celestial heavens will come crashing through the Fleet Center tonight and dropping down on half the Empire! It's carcass-kickin' TIME! Dok?

Dok: (holds up his flash light with a big smile.) Yeah!?

Stardom: (holds up a handful of 'D' batteries with a BIGGER smile.) LIGHTS OUT!!!

(The lights in the interview area click off, plunging the stage in blackness.)

Dok: HEY! My flashlights got no BATTERIES in it!!!

Stardom: The pleasure... has been all YOURS!

AT RINGSIDE

(The Legion of Doom come down to the ring. They are in their spiked shoulder pads and look VERY serious. The fans start chanting LOD! LOD! LOD! The Road Warriors take up position outside the ring and stand there, as if protecting ringside!)

Sarah D: What's this?

JR: The Unified Tag Team Champions... the LEGION OF DOOM, THE ROAD WARRIORS! It looks like they've come down to put an end to trouble here tonight! Let's get up to the ring for the announcements!