WWF Superstars, August 9, 1997WWF Superstars, August 9, 1997JR: At this time, it's my pleasure to introduce a legend in the sport of kings. In the old NWA, this man won the United States Title TWICE and the Tag Team Title TWICE as well. He was well known for his great energy and enthusiasm for the sport. Help me welcome now...TITO SANTANA!
Tito's old NWA music begins to play, energizing the fans as the old wrestling legend steps through the curtains. He's wearing a black and white formal tuxedo as he jogs down to the announcer's table. He grabs a headset.
Santana: ARRIBA, ARRIBA!
JR: Welcome to the World Wrestling Federation Mr. Santana!
Santana: Well thanks for having me, JR! It's great to be back in the sport of kings, announcing and interviewing for the WWF. I'm so excited, I can't WAIT to get started!!
Ross: Well Tito, we can't wait for you to get started either. You're going to be doing in the ring interviews along with pre-match comments. Tito, let's talk a little bit about your history in the sport of wrestling. You wrestled back in the late seventies and eighties and had a great career. You were two time United States Heavyweight Champion in World Championship Wrestling and two time tag team champion with Rick Martel.
Santana: Well that's right Jim. I had some great years in the WCW and I can't wait to have a few more here in the WWF and the sport of kings, professional wrestling. My two US Title Regins were some EXCITING times! The tag team title reigns weren't bad either!
Ross: Well, as most people know, you had a falling out with your partner, THE MODEL Rick Martel when he left you to defend yourself against the Brain Busters, Tulley Blanchard and Arn Anderson. This sparked a rivalry that ultiamately spelt your doom in wrestling.
Santana: Well, you're right about one thing, my old Strike Force partner Rick Martel did leave me to defend myself against the Brain Busters but that rivalry didn't spell my doom, OLD AGE DID! I was just to old to go on wrestling but now I'm back commentating and I can't wait to get started.
JR: We're glad you're here. Sorry it took so long for us to make good your official arrival.
J.R. looks to Pillman, who just shrugs.
Santana: But, JR, it looks as though I am not the only one trying to be an announcer here. Take a look up there.
Pillman: HIM!?
JR: Well, I haven't heard anything official yet about this. Let's go up to the ring and hear it straight from the horse's mouth.
Pillman: The PONY'S mouth in this case.
TODD PETTINGILL INTERVIEWS....
Todd Pentingill is standing in the ring, microphone in hand.
Todd: Well... I have not yet met with Bam Bam Bigelow to get my old job back... but I can always come out here... pick up a mic and talk. And maybe I'll just talk with somebody else! You don't have to be an announcer to do that. So that's what I'm going to do. I will show everyone that I can be a good, impartial broadcaster again. Just give me this chance. Alright, ladies and gentlemen ... please welcome my guest at this time, Miss Susannah Helmsley!
'Viva La Money' plays from the speakers as Susannah Helmsley makes her way down the aisle, wearing an emerald green sweater with 'SCH' embroidered on one side, a black pair of pants, and leather high heels. Helmsley makes her way into the ring, giving a small courtsey to the fans.
Todd: Ok, Susannah, last week before Queen of the Ring, rumors abounded that you were plotting some attack against Roxanne. Last week AT the event, you stated before your match with Starr Blaze that Roxanne need not worry about YOU. As we know, you set up Roxanne for a hit from Gold-Dust as she did commentary. Roxanne has claimed that this was merely an attempt at trying to get a title shot from her, and that you have BLOWN such a chance. How do -
Susannah: Stop there, Todd. Poor Roxanne can't seem to comprehend an intelligent thought after Gold-Dust's SMASHING performance at Queen of the Ring. Have I EVER asked for a title shot with Roxanne, Todd?
Todd: Not that I recall.
Susannah: Very good. I am not interested in a piece of cheap gold that's only purpose is to feed the ego's of the girls who ... *ahem*, sway the minds of the Championship Committee. My actions against Roxanne were just MORE proof of the point that has been well documented throught the entire year.
Susannah: Recall earlier in the year, when the Giant raged against the Network. Who was it that struck the first blow against him, dropping him like a rock when even some MEN couldn't do it? It was Susannah Helmsley. Who was it that turned Taylor Tech, and YOU Todd, into household names by getting Money Inc. the Tag Titles? It was Susannah Helmsley. And who was it, who despite rumors of my attack floating all over, still watched the WWF's Ladies Champion fall right into her hands? It was Susannah Helmsley.
Susannah: What lesson can we learn from all this? It's simple. There is no one in the WWF smarter, more cunning, or more devious than I am. The instant you take your eyes of Susannah Helmsley, you're in for disaster. The Giant learned that the hard way. The entire World Wrestling Federation learned that when I made Taylor Tech successful. And Roxanne learned that at Queen of the Ring. I've chopped down Giants, taken down Champions, and built stables to great power. There is no one in the WWF who could consider themselves safe from anything I may have planned.
Todd: Well, speaking of Queen of the Ring -
Susannah reaches out and rips the microphone away from Todd.
Susannah: Yes, speaking of Queen of the Ring ... no, in fact let's talk about the KING of the Ring for a moment. I recall the Giant getting aided by the Corporate Machine's foot, among other things, to get past Diesel in the first round. I recall seeing Sting be kicked with the loaded foot, have salt tossed into his eyes, and be assaulted on the outside of the ring so that the Giant could advance into the finals.
Susannah: However, last weekend at the Queen of the Ring, as I made my way to ringside ... there was no Machine. There was no Money Inc. There was no Blaine Parker. There was no Todd Pentingill. There was NOBODY there to support me in my matches. Money Inc has since run off back to Atlanta. The Machine hasn't been seen since Sting bent him like a pretzel weeks back. But YOU, Todd, could have been there. Where were you?
Susannah sticks out the microphone to Todd.
Todd: ..... well, Susannah, I ... see ... I'm trying to ...
Susannah: Not good enough, Todd. Here, you're the interviewer ... hold this.
Susannah takes the microphone and DRIVES it into Todd's stomach! Todd doubles over, having the wind knocked from him! Susannah grabs the microphone cord and SWINGS ... CRACKING Todd on the back of the head with the mike, making a loud POP!
Todd stumbles forward, holding his head, and Susannah grabs him ... AND HITS THE PEDIGREE!! Todd lays on the mat, holding his head, as Susannah picks the microphone back up.
Susannah: See, Todd. NOBODY is safe from what Susannah Helmsley could do ... even YOU.
Helmsley drops the mike on Todd's head as he tries to pull himself up. 'Viva La Money' starts up once again, as Susannah climbs from the ring and makes her way to the back, brushing off her hands and laughing to herself. The fans boo her loudly as she walks out.
JR: Well, it might be safe to say that Todd is indeed SINCERE in his attempts to get his old job back.
Pillman: Probably. I doubt he has the &@!!s to take the pedigree just to sell some devious plan.