RESULTS: Monday Night Raw Mar 3 1997

DOUBLE J, JEFF JARRETT

"Ha Ha Ha! Hello, folks! It's Double J again! You know, I was sitting back with The King watching the Countdown to WrestleMania, and I just couldn't BELIEVE how things in the WWF go straight to hell without Double J in there to fix everything! I mean, look at that sorry, no talent group that WISHES they had Double J called The Empire! What did THEY do at Countdown? They made Razor Ramon think he had joined, and then they beat him down and made a fool of 'em! Yeah, that's pretty good, Gilbert! You must be REAL proud of that . . . considering I did that EXACT SAME THING to him not 3 months ago! Poor old man can't even come up with a decent idea of his own anymore!"

"And then, we see Sid face Diesel for the World title . . . yeah, I think there was a total of 10 wrestling moves in that match! Ha Ha Ha! But why wasn't VADER in the match?!? Sid didn't get any big win over Vader! He's so stupid he fell down in the middle of the ring, and LUCKILY landed on Vader for the pin! But I know that Jimmy Cornette's on the case, so it'll all be taken care of!"

"Speaking of big dummies, I'd love to beat The Giant . . . AGAIN . . . but it seems that every other WWF Superstar has that on their minds, so I'll step out of that one. Besides, The Giant's having trouble beating up the ladies anyway! How are the jewels, Giant?!? Ha Ha Ha!!"

"But you know, folks, while I'm out here in Hollywood and in the airports and being swamped by the WWF fans, there's always a question that asks 'Double J, what's going on with the nWo?!? Where do you stand?' Well, it's no surprise that without Double J there to lead the ship, the nWo has taken some wrong turns. But don't anyone worry about the nWo, cause I can promise you that Mr. Big always has something up his sleeve! As a matter of fact, as I look at my watch here . . . a Rolex, given to me by Robert De Niro at a party out LA the other night, I can't help but notice that today is March 3rd. The Royal Rumble was back on January 26, and the crooked WWF doctors said I had to stay out for 43 days. Well, carry the 2, multiply the 4, square root the 3 . . . hey, that 43 days is up . . . NEXT WEEK! Ha Ha Ha!! Oh yeah, folks! Right here on Raw next week, ol' Double J is back, and there's not one WWF Superstar that will be safe!"

"Lady Tyr is out here squawking about The Undertaker being too busy with the nWo. Well, he hasn't seen busy until I get back in the ring! Ric Flair's about ready to get his career put on the shelf, and he knows I want a crack at him before that happens! Bret Hart's shooting his mouth off about agreeing to matches with me, when he's always hid behind the Anvil, saying that they have TAG TEAM goals to reach before he steps in the ring against Double J, who is a REAL wrestler, unlike other bald headed punks that use chinbreakers for a finisher and think they can compare it to the BlackJack! We got Jimmy Steele . . . wait, where IS Jimmy Steele?!? Oh, that's right! The Roadie done kicked his butt, and he's run away in shame!"

"Folks, if there's one thing you know about Jeff Jarrett, it's that I ALWAYS keep my word! And I can promise you that right here next week, someone is going to be carted off on a stretcher courtesy of Double J! It's happened before, and next week it'll happen again! So all you punks that think YOU might be the one that Double J is gunnin' for, call up the Outsider, call the National Guard, call the cops! Cause I promise that Double J will make an impact on Raw next week just like I always do! Ha Ha Ha! And at WrestleMania IV, with the entire WORLD watching, Double J will come into Chi-town with Pam Anderson on his arm, and will go out with the Intercontinental title around his waist! So long, folks!"