RESULTS: Monday Night Raw Mar. 24, 1997

The Anvil takes a microphone from a ringside announcer.

Anvil: OKAY! That was fun wasn't it? But a lot of crap has been going on, and well some people have been calling me and Bret chicken, saying we are sticking our nose where it doesn't belong. WELL GUESS WHAT? I don't give a crap what people say! Mainly because the people saying this stuff are complete morons who have not completed gradeschool. BUT to give them some more to talk about let me bring down one of the classiest women in the WWF, who I think has a bone to pick with the pond scum sitting over there (He gestures at Pillman)

Pillman: (to Heart Attack) He's pointin' at YOU! ahahaha!

Anvil: No Brian you. (points to the Publican) And that ambulance chasing bozo too. Ladies and gentlemen the woman who is kind enough to standin our corner at Wrestlemania. ROXANNE!

(For Those About To Rock, by AC/DC starts to play. As the music kick in, Roxanne comes out, sporting a Calgary Hitmen leather jacket. She has her red hair pulled back in a pony-tail. She stops at the top of the aisle and holds her hands up in the air. The fans cheer for her and she smiles at them, appreciating them all. She then comes down the aisle, slapping hands and then passes by the announcer's table, just long enough to take a look at Pillman's red-tinged hair. She and Pillman exchange a couple of insults before she steps up into the ring. She high fives the Anvil, then Bret, motioning to her jacket as if to say thanks. She takes the microphone.)

Roxanne: Y'know... there's PLENTY to talk about. There's Womankind lurking somewhere in the shadows. There's Stone Cold waiting around the next corner. There's a frizzy-haired rodent at the commentators table. And there's a lying, back-stabbing, DIS-OWNED Savage, named Sabrina. But let's handle this like the Hart's will take apart Austin and Pillman...THAT MEANS... a PIECE AT A TIME!!! First... let's talk about MOTIVATION! As if the Hart Foundation didn't already have a reason for paybacks... Pillman's got to take hand to crutch to head (motions to her head) to make a statement. Fuel to the fire, Pinhead, and that means we've got more motivation then ever before! Luke Warm and Slime Bomb, you KNOW that having Sabrina in your corner will only shorten her life expectancy. She can't keep her nose out of the action... and when she makes one wrong move, I'll be on her like white on rice! For what you did to Derrick... for what you did to Heart Attack... for just being YOU... I will bang your HEAD, and ROCK your world! Empire, you say the Hart Foundation are HIDING? WrestleMania IV, they'll be front and center. And the only back-up they'll have is me. And Empire-scum... that's all they'll NEED!

(Roxanne whips her hair out of her pony tail and shakes her head. She holds her hands out to the fans and they cheer her on! She motions as if to give the mic to the Hitman, looking to the fans, as if asking their permission. They begin chanting BRET! BRET! BRET! and she pumps her fist in the air, driving on their chant. She nods and smiles, then hands the mic to the Hitman, stepping back to give him the 'stage.' She slaps hands with the Anvil.)

Bret: Well Austin, Pillman, you two keep saying we are sending the rest of the Mega Powers down to do our dirty work for us. Well we don't need HELP to take care of the two of you. Pillman you have not been in the ring in over a year!

Anvil: uhh Bret that's not quite true

Bret: Oh I mean you have not legally been involved in a wrestling match in over a year. You seem to be able to pull your crippled ass up into the ring all of the time. And Austin?! You have wrestled twice in the last six months, and only one the last time due to shall we say, help and luck. You couldn't wrestle your way out of a paper bag, let alone hold your own, alone against the Excellence of Execution. For all your bragging, and bravado you two are going down hard. The Heat will have it easy, they will only fall thirty feet. You two will go through your own personal, hell care of the Hart Foundation. And you may be wondering why, we have not been comming down here weekly and kicking your ass up and down the aisle Brian. Well I had a little talk with Jim here and he has realized something.

Anvil: In the ring, I get to do WHATEVER I WANT TO YOU. And it will all be LEGAL! And I get warnings before we get disqualified so I can do ANYTHING, and you cannot try to sue us, or fine us or get us suspended. HAHAHAHAHAHA! (The whole time he is looking at Pillman, who holds his hands up as if he's scared. Roxanne steps up next to the Anvil, pointing right at Pillman.)

Bret: Now I will not try and call you two down to wrestle now. Pillman said it himself, he was NOTHING a few years ago before he hooked up with Eddie, and became a complete ass. You two will not risk your chance at the big show. But rember you two. Wrestlemania and the Hitman go hand in hand, last year I defended my world title, and won the Intercontential Title as well. Wrestlemania is MY show, and you two will learn that I am the best there is ithe best there was and the best there ever will be.

Anvil: WELL while we are here, why give the now red headed step child all the focus. There are Horsemen out there that have trouble with pink and black? I am so sorry Arn, let us change our colors right now, how about we match, you wear yellow, and I'll wear black. Since yellow seems to fit you. What was up with this challenging THP and Brutus? Two people who have never teamed together before, and one who has never tag team wrestled before. COME ON ARN! If you want a challenge why not try for the top, our last match was a time limit draw. But you seemed to be readying that table for something, perhaps you think you are those punks Public Enemy in the WCW. Well Arn, anyone can fall on that table. So keep it in the ring, where we can cleanly kick your tail.

(Bret takes the mic and hands it to Roxanne, who looks eager to speak again.)

Roxanne: Oh! The HORSEMEN! No friends of MINE! ENFORCERS...you couldn't handle ME at the Countdown! Just think what the Pink and Black Express would do to YOU! I can see it now! The Crippler... and the Enforcer... tied down on the railroad tracks... with a big pink and black locomotive bearin' down on you! And the Engineer... JIM THE ANVIL NEIDHART! In LOD-language... good for us... BAD FOR YOU! Now we got plenty of trains... engines...freight trains... mail cars... HECK... TROLLEY CARS to run over ALL of the people that irk us the MOST! Watch out... YOU may be NEXT! TICKETS PLEASE!

(Roxanne looks out at the fans, provoking a pop from them. She blindly holds back the mic toward the Hart Foundation... and Bret takes it.)

Bret: Hold on here we are not done yet, we still have to talk about Todd, and Adrien. The weseal first. Todd. I invited you into my home, I invited you into the Dungeon for the first ever interview from there in history, and this is how you treat my friendship. FINE. You have stepped over the edge, Radio boy. Now the Empire has three spokesmen, two managers, two body guards and a trainer. I may be wrong here, but this is the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION. With only three full time wrestlers, and a woman's wrestler AWOL, where are you going from here? Oh I know you say we interfer in matches, and bully people. But what the hell are all of those "non-combatants" for. Since each and everyone of them has gotten involved in a match. That means each and everyone of them are NOT non-combatants. That means, Eddie, Power and Glory, Taylor, and Tweedledumb and Tweedle Dumber here. (Pointing to the Publician and Pillman) The only one who has not gotten in a wrestling ring is you Radio boy. But you have tried your hand at a clothsline, stay away from the ring Todd. But I still want each and every member of the Empire in the ring, so they can beg for me to let them out of the Sharpshooter. That means you tweedledumb (pointing at the Publician) Power or Glory, since Herc decided I needed my hair fixed with a chain I would not mind a chance at teaching him a lesson. And Eddie, you wrestled at the Survivor Series, I even want you in the ring, and you can bring your firetabs.

Anvil: HAHAHAHAHA!!! ENOUGH! PILLMAN! I am suprised you can write, but I took a look at your little web page, and I guarentee anyone trying to jump The Macho Man before his match will not be able to walk out of the arena. And you have traps ready for every senario eh? Well I have plans within plans, and you have not even begun to see me get tricky. Firehoses? Vegtable Oil on the ground? Childsplay to what I have planned.

Roxanne: Oh-oh-OH-YES! We KNOW why the Empire's got a life supply of STOOGES! Ask DERRICK STARDOM ABOUT THAT! They seemed pretty worried didn't they? They didn't just send FOUR people down... but had Pillman and Austin there to make sure no on ELSE got involved! And what was their...UH HUH... MOTIVATION? The Empire was TICKED because they got EMBARASSED! Gilbert... get USED TO IT! Embarassment is comin' your way again and again! The Empire WILL crumble! (looks around at the fans with a questioning look.)

Roxanne: Unless the fans don't WANT that to happen! What do you say!!!

(The fans start going CRAZY!!!)

Roxanne: DO YOU WANNA SEE THE EMPIRE CRUMBLE!!!!?????

(The fans POP!!!!)

Roxanne: WHEN DO YOU WANT IT!!!!!!!?????

(The fans scream at once: NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Roxanne: WHAT DO YOU WANT???!!!!

Fans: (loud) CRUMBLE!!!!!!

Roxanne: When do you WANT IT!!!!!???

Fans: (louder) NOW!!!!!!!!

(The fans continue the chant themselves as Roxanne tosses the mic to the Hitman. The crowd dies down with their chants as he speaks, but continues to be very vocal.)

Bret: Mr. Blades, Blizzard. You want a no DQ, match I have no problem with that. You have friends, or temporary allies, well I have family and friends. I beat you once, and sent you to the hospital, I beat you twice, and it was in a cage. Now no DQ? Fine. Heck I even hear you may be intrested in a singles match with Jim here. Well we welcome that. I am sorry you had to wrestle Vader first off, but that is the luck of the draw, deal. The defending champion lost, due to gross cheating, so these things happen.

(Roxanne rushes in.)

Roxanne: GROSS CHEATIN! NOW THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!!! Derrick Stardom... was ROBBED! But he didn't complain! He just kicked CARCASS!!!! Embarassing, huh, Emperor!?

(Roxanne plucks the mic from Bret with a smile and looks at the fans. She tilts her head toward the Anvil... and the fans start chanting... ANVIL! ANVIL! ANVIL! Roxanne holds the mic out to the Anvil.)

Anvil: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I think we have covered the important points, but lets get back to my favorite one. The red headed fake cripple, and his partner. At Wrestlemania, the Hart Foundation will destroy you. And we will not be doing it just for us, we will be doing it for these fans, I mean listen to them, they want to see you lose. And I am never one to disapoint my fans!

(The fans all pop again, screaming ANVIL ANVIL ANVIL!!!)

The Anvil hands off back to Roxanne

Roxanne: (Roxanne nods a 'thanks' to the Anvil and steps up) You fans have been short-changed TOO MANY TIMES by the Empire! You wanted to see Pillman as the SLAVE FOR A DAY... but the Empire CHEATED! There's no stipulation on this match about SERVANTS OR SLAVES...but I promise you THIS! Both Austin AND Pillman will be down on their hands and knees... not scrubbing up mats or shinin' boots... BUT BEGGING FOR MERCY! And this time.... it's not up to US! MERCY WILL COME... WHEN YOU FANS SAY IT DOES!!!!

(Roxanne HIGH-FIVES the mic into Bret's hand and steps back.)

Bret: Sabrina, you called Pillman and Austin a well oiled machine? That is fine if you want your car breaking down five feet down the road. Sabrinia, you have turned on everyone who cared about you in your life and have thrown in with the scum of the earth. I should be angry at you Sabrinia, you pulled a fast one and cost me a match. But I am not angry with you,

Anvil: I SURE AS HELL AM!

Bret: Like I said, I am not angry, I feel sorry for you. You have no where left to go in your carrear. You sold it all for nothing. And that's a shame. And at Wrestlemania Roxanne will put it all in perspective for you. BUT Austin and Pillman, this match is about us and no one else. It will be a great match, but you two will learn that when you go up against the two time tag team champions, as well as a former Heavyweight Champion and two time Intercontential Champion you will lose, and you will lose bad. Because the Hart Foundation and Roxanne are the best there is there best there was and the best there ever will be.

As he says that fireworks start exploding from the lights as the Hart Foundation music starts to play. The fans all start stomping their feet and cheering, as the Anvil Roxanne and Bret all High five each other and, head up the aisle.