WWF Superstars, June 21, 1997

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BADD BOY DERRICK STARDOM

Stardom is in a large room, somewhere within the arena. He has his tuxedo jacket slung over a chair, and he is sitting at a table with a pair of scissors. Stardom is concentrating on cutting a piece of paper into little bits.

Stardom: Alright Hendriks... c'mere.

Dok Hendriks steps forward. He looks down in puzzlement at Stardom and what he is doing.

Dok: Mr. Stardom, will you PLEASE tell me what you're doing? The cameras are ROLLING NOW!

The camera moves around to show the table at a better angle. Stardom has taken a computer print-out and is cutting the words apart.

Dok: Please?

Stardom motions to a pile of clippings. All of them have one word on them each. Dok pushes through them with his free hand.

Stardom: What do you see there, Dok? Tell the fine folks at home.

Dok: Well... they're WORDS! Hundreds of them!

Stardom: And what do they SAY!?

Dok: (taking a good look) Well... they all say either 'chico' or 'mang'!

Dok keeps perusing through the pile, seeing nothing but clips of paper that say 'chico' or 'mang'. Stardom motions to another series of clippings directly in front of him.

Dok: And what do you have there?

Stardom: These are the OTHER words from a letter I received from Mr. Scott Hall. Every third word said CHICO or MANG! I didn't know WHAT the hell this goofball was saying. So I took it upon my most-happening self to do some editing.

Stardom drops the scissors down on the pile of chico/mang clippings.

Dok: And... what did he say?

Stardom: Just give me a moment here Dok. What I've got to do is get in the mind-set of a sixth-grader, so I can connect with Hall's ideas.

Stardom arranges the words back in order, without the chico's or the mang's.

Stardom: Says here.... Hey Badd Girl. (looks up to Dok) Man... he really knows how to push my buttons, don't he?

Dok: Go on! What else!

Stardom: (reading) I'm sick and tired of you.... and you're sick and tired of me. (Looks up to Dok again) Y'know, without the chico's and mang's, it just doesn't seem like Hall does it? It's almost LEGIBLE!

Dok: Ha Ha.

Stardom: (continues) Well then the only way to finish this is to have a Career Ending Stretcher Match, mang!

Stardom's eyes go wide with suprise.

Dok: What do you think about THAT!?

Stardom: I can't believe it... I MISSED A 'MANG! How many WERE there in this thing!?

Dok looks down at the pile of clippings and chuckles. Stardom continues.

Stardom: We can either have it at our next match we fight loser, or at Summerslam, the next big PPV, in August! (Stardom looks up for a moment... then continues) He goes on.... Derrick Stardumb.....

Stardom looks up at Dok, feigning pain.

Stardom: Ooooh.... that one hit home. Hahahaha. (looks back down) Derrick Stardumb, you think your so sexy, and hot, well I'll kick your ass and make you leave The World Wrestling Federation....(snickers) I think he called me 'chico-mang' after THAT one.

Dok: Maybe Starr was right! It could BE a code!

Stardom: That'd take SKILL, Hendriks. Wake up. (Stardom finishes) What do you say! I'M GONNA CARVE YOU UP! Alright! See-ya! Mr. Scott Hall.

Stardom looks up at Dok for a second... THEN CRACKS UP LAUGHING!!! Dok joins in after a few moments.

Stardom: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Well... we know this thing is legit!

Dok: (wiping his eyes) How's THAT?!

Stardom: NOBODY COULD BE THAT BLAND!! HAHAHA!!!

Dok: hahaha! Well... what do you say? Do you accept!?

Stardom: Absolutely! Forget Summerslam though. That's too far off. BBDS doesn't have the time to talk about this dripping-wet doofus much longer. So get him down to the ring next week, with him making like Mr.Rogers, taking off his good shoes and pulling on his wrestling boots. And I'll kick his rear right outta the neighborhood! WON'TCHA BE MY NEIGHBOR NO MORE! Because in THIS town, I'm the hottest piece of REAL ESTATE going... and you're just depreciating the value with your toothpick-gnawin', greasy-haired, Minnesota immigratin', sack-a-bones SELF! You want to be a Cuban....well after next week, the job will be halfway done... because I'll knock you HALFWAY THERE!!! The green-cards been revoked... by the SEXIEST IMMIGRATION ACT THAT THE GALAXY EVER LAID EYES ON! HENDRIKS.... DO THE HONORS!

Dok: Well... uh... LIGHTS OUT?

The lights in the room click off, leaving a computer generated backdrop of stars behind them.

Dok: I... I...

Stardom: Must BE contagious!