RESULTS: Monday Night Raw July 21, 1997

Pillman: Well, Ross, what did you THINK?

JR: I think you're going OVERBOARD! Stardom's not going to put up with this... well... derriere kissing for long!

Pillman: Look, I'm just trying to make up for everything that transpired between us in the past. Stardom needs allies, and this is my way of showing him... that yes... I'll be his ally. Stone Cold can come off a little... COLD and harsh. So I'm trying the warmer approach.

JR: Well, I hope it works soon. I think I miss the OLD Brian Pillman!

Pillman: I'm still here baby! I'm just doing my part of solidifying this group of individuals that Sabrina has put together. Stardom is a difficult man to reach.

JR: Alright, I see where you're going now. But I STILL don't trust you. Folks... let's take a look at this!

STARR BLAZE

[ A caption at the bottom of the footage says "Earlier Today..." ]

Starr, Sting, Rick Rude and Jim Neidhart are all shown entering the lobby of a hospital. Starr has a big totebag and Sting is holding a bunch of brightly colored foil balloons, while Neidhart is wearing sunglasses and is carrying a baseball bat with a big pink bow tied on it over his shoulder. Rude carries a sack over his shoulder as well.

The group walks up to the reception desk where the nurse in charge is engrossed in a magazine.

Starr: Hi! "Get Well" committee, here to see the Legion of Death! They should be being treated by a Dr. Mesmer, or Dr. Death or someone like that...

The nurse reaches over and types on her computer with one hand, not looking up.

Nurse: We don't have a Dr. Mesmer or Dr. Death here... Legion of Death, hm? Ah, here we are... says they're in Dr. Williams' care... he's left strict orders for no one to see them without his permission... and he's stepped out for the day.

Starr: Oh, um... well, yeah! Sure he has...but then they made a special request for me to come and cheer them up, so...

Nurse: Sorry. No can do without Dr. Williams' permission...

Rude loses his patience and pushes his way to the front, snatching the magazine from the nurses' hands.

Rude: Look princess, we don't have all day here, so...

The nurse looks up at Rude in annoyance... then her eyes go wide!

Nurse: Oh my GOD!!! RICK RUDE!!! AHHHHH!!!!

The nurse freaks out like she's just come face to face with a rock and roll star...

Nurse: Oh God Oh God the girls'll never believe this can I have your autograph Mr. Rude?!

Rude smirks, taking the pen and notepad the nurse holds out to him and signing with a flourish. He gives them back and leans down towards her... she grins dopily.

Rude: So, babe, what are your plans for later? You wanna go dancing with the Ravishing One?

Nurse: Ohhhhhhhhhhh...

The nurse collapses in a dead faint, sliding out of her chair. Sting looks over at her.

Sting: Wow, Rick, guess you were just too much man for her...

Anvil: Either that or it was your breath! HAHAHA!

Rude: Shut up, Neidhart.

Starr meanwhile has checked out the nurse's computer and scrawls the room number on the back of her hand with the nurse's pen.

Starr: C'mon guys, we have some cheering up to do!

Starr leads the way into the hospital as the camera footage fades, then returns showing the group moving along a whitewashed hallway.

Starr: Room 664... 665... ah hah! Here we are!

Sting: 666... cute...

They fling open the door and rush in, and the camera follows. Beast and Vulture are in their beds and sit up as the light snaps on.

Starr, Sting, Anvil and Rude: SURPRISE!!!!

Sting, Anvil and Rude quickly pull out straightjacket straps with which they fasten the LOD to their beds.

Sting: Don't get up on our accounts, boys...

Anvil: Yeah! You might get hurt! HAHAHA!!

Beast and Vulture grimace and struggle angrily against the bonds, but can't get out. Sting starts tying balloons around the room while Rude reaches into his sack and starts placing legions of cute, stuffed pink and blue duckies, bunnies, and puppies. Neidhart puts on a party hat and brings out a party favor, blowing on it while tossing some confetti. Blaze grins cheerfully at the LOD...

Starr: Hi guys!! Made it before the deadline! Happy to see me?

The LOD look decidedly UNHAPPY about seeing her...

Starr: Aww, c'mon guys, turn those frowns upside down! That's why you wanted me here, right? I mean, since you're not gonna be at ringside until tomorrow I decided I'd better come pay you a visit instead... only got 'till RAW, right?

Sting: That's what they said, Starr!

Sting ties a balloon to Beast's toe while Neidhart helps hold the leg still. Starr puts her hands on her hips, looking around at the bloodstains on the walls disapprovingly.

Starr: Would you LOOK at this place?! No wonder you guys are depressed! Good thing I came by... you know, you said you'd hurt me in ways I can't even imagine. Since I couldn't imagine you hurting me while you're in traction, I guess you were right!

Blaze grins and reaches into her totebag... and pulls out a SUPERSOAKER!! She starts hosing down the walls and furniture with it, covering the room in day-glo pink paint!

Starr: See... I heard you sayin' about my choice... made Wild Chylde or the Smoking Gunns bleed, or get ready to be bled by you two. Well, you gotta admit neither choice is really acceptable, so I had to brainstorm for something else that might make you happy!

She continues to spray paint everywhere, making her companions have to dodge out of the way at times...

Starr: This kind of stuff pleases you, right guys?

Anvil: Nah! They like squirtin' PEOPLE!

Starr: Oh! My mistake!

Starr now sprays BEAST AND VULTURE with the paint! They howl with rage at being covered in such a disgustingly cutesy color! Starr hoses them down until the soaker's reservoir runs dry, then puts the soaker away and smiles.

Starr: Better?

Beast and Vulture glower at her silently, dripping. Starr sighs.

Starr: They're STILL not happy! What's it gonna take to cheer the LOD up, guys?

Sting: Hey, I got an idea!

Rude steps up to the cameraman and turns him around. In the background we hear sounds of rattling, then what sounds like spraypaint being applied. Rude turns the cameraman back around and the view shows that against the pink background "HAWK" has been sprayed on Vulture and "ANIMAL" has been sprayed on Beast in black paint. Sting stands in the foreground, one arm around Starr and one holding up a goofy-looking rubber skull!

Sting: Alas, poor Animal and Hawk! We knew them well!

Starr glowers at the camera in an imitation of one of the Legion of Death's forbidding proclamations...

Starr: Return Hawk and Animal to us, or we will end your careers!

Everyone cracks up laughing, then starts to file out, leaving the room strewn with day-glo pink, confetti, foil balloons, streamers, and lots of googly-eyed stuffed animals. Starr however steps over to to the LOD's beds and smiles at them, although now there is a dangerous glint in her eye.

Starr: I hope that was "pleasing" for you... if not, then I guess actually what it comes down to is... I really don't care! Come after me if you want, boys. But this is just a taste of what happens when you do. You think Wild Chylde is a bad woman to make angry? You think Roxanne is someone you don't cross up without consequence? Then you listen to me REAL close, punks... 'cause I don't just get MAD...

Starr: I don't just get EVEN...

Starr: I get -- CREATIVE!

Starr tips a mock salute to them.

Starr: Get well soon!

Starr turns and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her as the camera takes another long look at the grotesquely cheerful sight before fading out...

JR: Well, Starr met the requirment... but I don't think that's what the LOD had in mind!

Pillman: Oh.. she's a DEAD woman WALKING now! She's asking for trouble for when the LOD return. (Pillman looks at JR) And Ross... what IS up with that? I heard you say online that the LOD will be out until the 29th, yet they're wrestling TOMORROW! What's with THAT?!

JR: Well Brian, medically speaking they should NOT be wrestling tomorrow, but due to a CLERICAL error at Titan Tower... they WILL BE! And there was nothing anybody could do about it. The LOD WANTED to be on TNT, and they WILL BE! A simple clerical error.

Pillman: Maybe a clerical error will cause Starr Blaze to miss her ride to the arena, because that's one of the few things that will save her. Hey... clerical errors put most of our female wrestlers in the Queen of the Ring.

JR: I'm glad you brought that up, Brian. Thank you.

Pillman: WAIT! I'm not done making jokes yet!

JR: You're DONE! Folks... let's talk about the next big supercard... THE QUEEN OF THE RING!