Queen Of The Ring
KING'S COURT
The ring is set up for the King's Court, as Jerry Lawler's music starts to play. The King makes his way down the aisle, looking out to the fans and laughing. Jerry holds a package in his left hand and keeps it away from the fans.
As he nears ringside he glares over at the broadcast area, specificly at Jim Ross. Lawler makes his way into the ring, places the package on his throne, and picks up the microphone.
King: Well, well, well. Here we are at the Queen of the Ring, with a special King's Court! But before I get to my guest this week, and it's a BIG guest, I want to address a subject that's been in the news as of late. If you called my Hotline this week, as ALL of you do, you heard me talk about it. And that subject being what's gone down between the Bladerunners, specificly Sting, and that big fat Okie sitting right down there.
The King stands by the ropes facing the broadcasters and looks down right at Ross.
King: I'm sitting at home, watching Superstars last weekend, and I see that face painted goof Sting come out here and give a nice sob story about how Jim Ross says he's gonna turn bad again, but how Sting's a hero and would never do that. And all kinds of crap! And when Sting leaves, the so-called "broadcast journalist" throws a temper tantrum!
King: Now we've all been waiting for Sting to stick up for himself, but apparently he's not MAN enough. But the subject had cooled off a bit. Sting let it drop, I guess. But Ross just can't seem to let it go! Everytime he opens his mouth, he's sneaking some insult in there!
Lawler mocks Jim Ross.
King: "I bet I could say I'd like the old LOD back, and THEY wouldn't complain! Uh-oh, Sting's fighting next! I don't even know if I should say anything!" And then there's Heart Attack. Just when you think she's made herself out to be as much of a BIMBO as possible, she again shocks us all!
The King now impersonates Heart Attack.
King: "JR, Sting just wants you to be biased for him!" You IDIOT! This makes me sick to my stomach. And Ross, YOU make me sick! Twice now in the history of the FREE WORLD someone has taken offense to something you've said. The first time, you handled it. This time, you've LOST it! You're not the broadcaster you think you are! You're not the journalist you think you are! You're not the MAN you think you are! You're a JOKE!
King: Like I said on my Hotline, try doing MY job, Ross! EVERY time I tell it "the way I see it", people complain! I've got Jesse Ventura bitching on his Hotline that I didn't mention him when I ran down all the idiots that Mean Gene hired! Maybe I didn't include him cause I don't consider him an idiot, but he STILL complained! But do I go out and WHINE that people don't like my opinons?! NO! When you give your opinons, you gotta be prepared to deal with the consequences!
King: Half the WWF has been out here at one time or another, complaing about something I've said. Bret Hart whined about me picking on his parents. At King of the Ring, I gave my OPINIONS to the Blizzard and he put his hands on me! In some cases, since I AM a wrestler, I choose to redeem myself. But I have that option! People know when they deal with me that I can take some abuse. But YOU, Jim Ross, are NOT a wrestler! You quite obviously can take NO abuse! NO criticizm! So WHY on Earth are you making snide little comments about guy that could CRUSH you if he wanted to?
King: And somebody asked me in the back, "Why are you sticking up for Sting, King?" This has nothing to do with Sting! It could have been ANYBODY that Jim Ross screamed about! This has to do with a guy who sits back and gives his little opinions, thinking that he's somebody important, while REAL broadcast journalists are out there finding out stories, doing their JOBS, and taking flack for it DAILY! I've yet to have a Hotline or Newsletter or King's Court come where SOMEBODY wasn't upset! You've got a LOT to learn about YOUR job, Ross!
King: Sometimes you have to say things that people don't like to do your job! But that's the breaks! Sometimes people will tell you they don't like what you say, but THAT'S just part of the game, JR! You're SPOILED, Ross! You're so used to people not saying anything that when somebody DOES, you go insane! Try my job for ONE week! Ask the TOUGH questions! See how you like THAT!
The King moves back to center ring and picks up his package.
King: But since I'm not a mean person, Ross, I went out and got you a gift, too! No, not cherries or something else to stuff yourself with. Something that you DO need! Here ... hold on.
Lawler rips open the package and several baby items fall out. The King picks some up.
King: See this, Ross? DIAPERS! If you're gonna ACT like a baby, we'll TREAT you like one! Here!
Lawler throws the diapers down at Jim Ross.
King: How about THIS? A BOTTLE! Something to put in your mouth to stop you from CRYING!
Lawler throws the bottle at Ross, as well.
King: THERE! Now you can go take shots at ME for the next month. At least spend your efforts on somebody that DESERVES it! Moron!
The King clears his throat and returns to center ring, kicking the rest of the baby gear outside.
King: Now, let's get to my guest this week. He's been pretty quiet lately, but he's here tonight. And I'm gonna ask him just where he's been! I give to you ... SID!!
Sid comes walking out screaming "Who's the man" and slapping hands.
King: Ok, Sid, welcome to the King's Court. First, I gotta ask, just WHERE have you been lately?!
Sid : Where I have been little man...is my buisness and not yours.
King: Well, that's insightful. Now, since you've been gone, Sid, LOTS of things have happened! Your manager, Sarah D, has been KIDNAPPED! What's the story on that? Do you know anything about it?
Sid : King you know (Touches his face with a frantic speed) I don't know nothing about that. I wish I knew where she was.
King: Well ... ok. What about the situation with the Network? Are you still a member? From what I recall, Sarah still had to make a decision about what you did to Flash before she ... uh ... well, what about it?
Sid : I don't know if I am still in the Network...I wish to be. But nothing can be decided untill Sarah is back.
King: That's true. You know, Sid, things seem a bit fishy here, I've gotta be honest. You took out Flash Funk, you fellow Network member. Sarah was supposed to decide on whether you'd still be a member ... and she disappeared.
Sid: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, LITTLE MAN?!
King: Well ... did you have anything to do with Sarah's disappearing?
Sid: Say WHAT?!
King: Yeah ... you heard me! You took Sarah, didn't you?! C'mon, admit it! She was gonna kick out out of the Network, and now she CAN'T! Cause she's MISSING! What did you do with her?!
Sid looks down at Lawler, eyes blinking ... then BOOTS him in the stomach! Lawler falls forward, and Sid hooks him ... POWER BOMB!!!
Lawler rolls on the mat, holding his chest, as Sid picks up the microphone.
Sid : I never layed a finger on Sarah little man...and that shows you that you do mess with "The Master...and Ruler...of The Wooooorld". Sid throws down the microphone and leaves...slapping hands while he goes.
The King rolls slowly out of the ring, as officials come down to help him back. Lawler holds his ribs and starts to walk out, with the assitance, but stops and turns back towards Jim Ross.
King: You see THAT, Ross?! Could YOU have dealt with that?! What if that had been YOU just now?! The next time you want to whine about somebody TALKING to you, you come ask me how my back feels first!
The officials manage to move Lawler away, though he continues incoharent shouting at Ross, the fans, and the people helping him.